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Pillow Fights in Your Underwear

January 13, 2010

A female blogger friend of mine (Penelope over at Single Mom Adventures) recently mentioned to me that she is hosting a girl’s night this Friday. Of course, I immediately asked her if she and her friends would be having a pillow fight in their underwear. I felt wholly unoriginal saying that, and yet it was instinctual–I couldn’t not ask that question.

I have some theories about why guys ask that question, and I polled a few male friends to see what they thought. Their responses echoed mine. I’ll let them respond to that question, and I’ll answer the question, “What kind of response are we hoping for?” below.

Why do guys ask that question?

Friend 1: I’ve been socially conditioned to ask that question.  If I see a red light I put my foot on the brake. If I hear a school bell ring I get up and walk out of the room.   If I hear the term “girl’s night” I ask about pillow fighting in underwear.  I don’t think its instinctual on an evolutionary level, but its a conditioned response.  I am Pavlov’s dog.

Friend 2: We ask that question because it pops into our heads (due to the long-winded explanation I gave in the first e-mail). We’re not looking for much of a response. We know women don’t actually do this; it just gives us a chance to imagine them in their underwear. There’s a glimmer of hope that the woman will play along with you in your pillow fight scenario, and that just makes said woman a little more fun and sexy.

Friend 3: Men aren’t hoping for a response.  They are simply blurting out what they are imagining in their head; they want to picture girls fighting in underwear b/c it turns them on.

What kind of response are we hoping for?

This is hinted at above. There are two possible responses that will please us greatly:

  1. We want you to play along. Indulge us. Please. We don’t lead glamorous lives. All we’d like is for you to smile and say that you’re going to be “wearing lacy pink underwear with sexy bras (which, of course, match our panties)” (that’s a direct quote from Penelope’s blog entry on this subject). Tell us why you decided to discard your clothes in the first place. Tell us that you might just kiss. Please.
  2. We want you to admit that you’re going to have a pillow fight in your underwear. Somewhere out there, there’s a group of beautiful women who get together for game night and end up standing on a bed in their underwear with pillows in hand. This is the unicorn of female groups, the bigfoot, the elusive cockatoo. It simply must exist. If us men want to have a fighting chance of finding it, we need to ask this question. And if you’re in that marvelous group, you need to respond truthfully.

One of the above friends pointed out that there actually is a Pillow Fight League. It’s an awesome idea, although judging by the photos (which are, unfortunately, completely safe for work), there is no underwear involved. Too bad. But I’ll still watch. Maybe they’ll kiss.

28 Comments leave one →
  1. Lorena permalink
    January 13, 2010 6:47 pm

    Hm, I thought that guys asked this question in response to “sleepovers” not “girls night”.

    Isn’t “girls night” when you go out drinking w/ your female friends and make fun of slutty girls and ugly guys and double dog dare one of your friends into flirting with one of the ugly guys. And sometimes you end up at karaoke because Laura always insists that you go and it will be sooo much more fun than last time even though it absolutely never is no matter how many shots you take by mistake and sing “Common People” by Pulp forgetting that the very ending line “I’m in love with common people like you” actually goes up as it repeats and so you sound like a screeching monkey by the time you reach the final “yoooou! oh oh oh yooooou! oh oh oh! yooooou, like you.” And then one of the girls, one of the two single ones, ends up making out w/a really average looking guy after their riveting conversation about other uses for tequila, and your group ends up dragging her away from him so that she’ll manage to make it work in the morning?

    I thought that was girls’ night.

    • January 13, 2010 6:56 pm

      Ha ha…amazing comment. I hope you write blog entries in this style :).

      And you’re right, girl’s night is different than game night is different than sleepovers. But they all end in pillow fights in your underwear, right?

      • Lorena permalink
        January 13, 2010 7:00 pm

        I hate the color pink, so my lace see-through bra and matching thong will be black or green. But to answer your question: obviously.

        Can you post some half naked pics so we can objectify you?

        • January 13, 2010 7:11 pm

          Lorena Lorena Lorena–

          This isn’t about objectification. It’s about assumptions, stubbornness, and one-track minds. Please. Give us some credit here. We’re men. We’re deep creatures of thought, contemplation, and–wait, did you say see-through?


          • Friend 2 permalink
            January 14, 2010 8:18 am

            C’mon. Don’t be a prude, Jamey. Play along and give back a little to the lovely ladies who have filled your minds with images of your rock hard abs. I’m sure Pitcher would take the photos for you now that Gabby’s gone.

            This does bring up a good question for the ladies though. What is the male equivalent of women pillow fighting in their underwear? What do you like to image guys doing that piques your interest? Sweatily building something shirtless in tight yet manly jeans? Greco-Roman wrestling? Saving kittens from trees? Doing the dishes?

            • Friend 2 permalink
              January 14, 2010 8:19 am

              Their minds. (Not “your”)

            • January 14, 2010 11:02 am

              That’s a good point about my abs, and somewhat disconcerting that you know how rock-hard they are.

              I think that’s a great question for the ladies.

              • Dionne permalink
                January 14, 2010 11:59 am

                Well you know what I think:)

  2. Friend 2 permalink
    January 13, 2010 6:53 pm

    I think the “women pillow fighting in their underwear” whenever they have some type of girl’s night/sleepover has some kind of stereotypical social connection in our minds when we hear about women being alone together in groups all night. I think the originator of this concept (in 1955, or something like that) considered it risque and sexual, and perhaps it was for risque for that time period. It was before it was acceptable for men to blurt out, “Will you be stripping each other naked, licking each other’s nipples, and collapsing in an all female orgy?” (as I’ve taken to asking my female friends now). It was a good excuse for the 1955 risque man to picture the ladies in question in as sexy of a situation as he could without being slapped; and if offense was taken, the pillow fight made it juuuuussst acceptable enough to respond with, “What? I was just asking if you were going to have a little fun.” Somehow the pillow fight concept caught on and appeared in a few movies and TV shows, and now it’s a part of the female sleepover culture (not so much girl’s nights though).

  3. Dionne permalink
    January 13, 2010 10:40 pm

    Sadly, 20 years from now men will still ask that same question. Evolve already.

    • January 14, 2010 12:34 am

      20 years from now? Please. You underestimate us. Just like our cavemen brethren, men thousands of year in the future will ask that question. Even after pillows are no longer used because people sleep in anti-gravity pods and wear futuristic skin-tight suits with no undergarments to speak of, men will ask if women will have pillow fights in their underwear.

      • Heather permalink
        January 17, 2010 7:02 pm

        Jamey, I totally agree. Guys will ALWAYS ask the pillow fight question – and I, for one, would be concerned if they ever stopped.

        Every time I mention a sleepover to one of my guy friends, I can absolutely count on the widened eyes and the excited voice: “Are you going to have a pillow fight in your underwear?” It’s as comforting and familiar as mom’s apple pie. Your consistency is my cup of hot chocolate on a cold winter night.

        Keep up the great work!!

        • January 17, 2010 7:10 pm

          You know, I’ve heard several women say that they like guys who are consistent: Consistent in their feelings, actions, reactions, and so on. Here’s a classic case of male consistency. Thoughts of women having pillow fights in their underwear. See? We aim to please.

          • Heather permalink
            January 18, 2010 6:32 pm

            I’m wondering something, though, Jamey. Even I as applaud the consistency of the male mind, there’s something exciting about the guy who takes a different approach and surprises me.

            I’d never really done the whole dating-scene thing until about a year ago, but since then I’ve been dating a lot and enjoying the single life. One of things I’ve found is that there are really only a handful of guys who come up with original ways of expressing themselves without being weird or cheesy. And when they do, they really perk up my interest…most of my second dates are with guys who end up surprising me (in an intelligent way) on date #1.

            So what you think…would guys rather be known as consistent and comforting or surprising and original? Are you the cup of hot chocolate or the one who stands out from the crowd?

            • January 18, 2010 9:57 pm

              Interesting…this sounds like fodder for a future blog entry.

              I would think that most women would prefer guys with a sense of adventure and spontaneity. Guys who surprise them and, as you say, come up with original ways of expressing themselves (can you give a few examples)?

              But when it comes to other things, I think women want consistency. They don’t want a guy who kisses them goodbye one day but doesn’t kiss them goodbye the next (for no discernible or communicated reason). Things like that. I’d give an example, but it might publicly incriminate me 🙂

              • Lisa permalink
                January 19, 2010 12:19 am

                One genre of guys I have historically not found a match with is “round” guys. Not physically! It’s just a phrasing for a really nice guy without any edges at all to him. “He’s too circular for me.”

                Definitely want a nice guy, and Jamey, dead on with your phrasing of necessary minimum consistency. Humans (even moreso self-aware humans) naturally pick up on inconsistency as a cue that something has changed, so certain routines and consistency are necessary for sanity’s sake.

                But personally, I need a guy with a few sharper edges, twists, surprises – some inconsistency – because I certainly have that myself. I know this isn’t true for everyone – I wonder if there’s correlation between enjoyment of the beginning parts of a relationship (the chase/the excitement at the beginning) and a need for edge?

                All of that said, the balance has to be right – if I had to choose between a round guy or a guy with too many edges (starburst shaped?), I would choose the round guy in a heartbeat. Luckily I can decide neither for now 🙂

              • Heather permalink
                January 28, 2010 10:46 pm

                I agree with Lisa (not sure where this entry will show up on the “flow” of the page, but it’s in response to her comments about the balance between a round guy and a guy with edges).

                Guys need to strike the right mix of predictability and spontaneity. And each guy has a different mix that’s right for him (and by extension, right for me)…it all depends on who the guy is, how he carries himself, what other things he does throughout the date, etc.

                Lisa – how about we have a sleepover and discuss this topic further over a pillow fight?

  4. Lisa permalink
    January 14, 2010 12:09 am

    I have never understood why guys ask about “underwear pillow fights.” Where did that rumor start? So juvenile… for sleepovers it is always just naked tickle fights anyway.

    • January 14, 2010 12:31 am

      Lisa–Thank you so much. This is amazing, revelatory news. It may be the biggest news for men since women started wearing underwear on the beach and calling it a “swimsuit.”

      • Lisa permalink
        January 19, 2010 12:19 am

        For the record, if you ever wondered what it is women do when they go to the bathroom in pairs…

    • Heather permalink
      January 17, 2010 7:04 pm


    • January 19, 2010 11:15 am

      Lisa–I definitely hear you about being too “round.” Especially in correlation to the thrill of the chase. I think a key part of the chase is the uncertainty. Nothing’s guaranteed. So when you’re with someone who has those edges, you never know exactly what you’re going to get or what’s going to happen. Hence you always feel you’re chasing them a little bit.

    • January 28, 2010 10:59 pm

      Heather–Thanks for your comment. I was talking with someone (off the blog) about that very topic recently. I was poking fun at her because two of the most important things about a guy to her are consistency and surprises (i.e., exact opposites). But it somehow makes sense. We don’t want someone who is erratic and unreliable, nor do we want someone who is stagnant and boring. We just want to be surprised and delighted by someone who is emotionally stable and rational.

      Or is that just me?

  5. Kai permalink
    January 14, 2010 2:40 am

    I just came back from a girls’ night and we have some good half naked fun.

    Why we decided to discard our clothes? Because we “accidentally” spilled whatever liquid in our cups on to each other.

    Did we kissed? No. We were too tired after a round of pillow fight and chocolate pudding wrestling.

    • January 14, 2010 11:03 am

      Ah, it’s because you spilled things on your clothes. That makes a lot of sense. And I’m glad you had enough chocolate pudding on hand to wrestle in. I’ve made my fair share of chocolate pudding, and it takes a while to cook & serve.

  6. January 14, 2010 9:39 am

    I’ve called half of the dozen girls that are coming over. Three are in for the pillow fight in our underwear. If I’m feeling saucy on Monday, I’ll send pictures. 😉

    • Dionne permalink
      January 14, 2010 10:29 am

      That’s hilarious!

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