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A Single Guy’s Thoughts on Marriage

January 7, 2010

In addition to the entry below (check out the slideshow!) I wrote an entry over on Harley May’s blog today about marriage. Check it out. It’s a confession. A big one.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. Sarah permalink
    January 7, 2010 11:34 am

    Hey Jamey!

    I read this blog entry with great interest. Thanks for being so candid about your thoughts. I too have struggled with fears of the way marriage will change things. I was once engaged even, and boy did those fears surface then!

    I will say that over the years, I’ve developed some thoughts on some of these fears – namely in choosing the “right” one. The more I’ve talked to happily married couples, the more I’ve seen a theme. Some people go on about just “knowing” or “God’s will” but many seasoned couples instead say that it wasn’t so much about one person being right for you, or fate, or even good feelings, but about sticking to your choice. You may have several choices for a spouse if you’re “hot stuff” haha – or even “choices” later down the road – but you stick with the vows you made to that one choice. That (barring horrid things like abuse), your choice to see through the ups and downs fuels, the “in love” and “out of love” seasons, builds a special bond and actually fuels the romantic feelings. In other words, really investing in your choice is the first big step in having a marriage like Billy Graham had – where he was even more in love with his wife in her later years than even on their wedding day!

    In regards to kids… well they do change things, but hopefully for the better! I think just about every parent I know says there’s no way we’ll ever fully be “ready” to be a parent… you just become one and adapt along the way. Yet they wouldn’t go back to being childless for a million bucks. That has helped me overcome some of my feelings of “Whoa… that is SO life altering… ”

    In regards to friends, well as a single woman with TONS of married friends, I have to say, I am looking forward to the day when I won’t be the odd one out in our group. 🙂

    Anyway, sorry to ramble on. 🙂

  2. January 7, 2010 12:49 pm

    Sarah,

    Hey, thanks so much for your thoughts on this. Someone over on Harley’s blog said something very similar about marriage being a choice–like you said, not just a choice the first day, but every day after that. Bryce has talked to me about that in the past, and I really like the idea of it. I’m think I’m mostly concerned with the first choice…it just frightens me how close I’ve gotten to engagement with women who I wouldn’t have lasted with even if I had made that choice every day. Hence the intentional single life for a while. 🙂 It sounds like you understand that even more than I do, having been engaged.

    So your married friends still make an effort to be friends with others? That’s great to hear. I want that.

    As for kids, I agree…I hope they’re wonderful. I’m sure they will be. I’m sure I’ll have to adapt quite a bit. But I think I’m also starting to be okay with the idea of not having kids. We’ll see. Obviously I’m not trying right now 🙂

    Thanks so much for the comment–it’s good to have you on the blog.

    Jamey

    • Sarah permalink
      January 7, 2010 2:44 pm

      Jamey –

      I’ll have to check out those other comments! Yes, I know what it’s like to find that first choice difficult… downright scary, even! And the reality is, we can’t possibly predict everything. I think that’s why those committed to the “choice” tend to do pretty well… they just accept that there will be unexpected’s.

      In regards to kids and marriage… one thing I’ve tried to do is date people I think would ultimately make good dads/family men. It’s one thing to have fun and “click” with someone, but tough if you get attached to someone who would make a bad family addition! I read one book, a Catholic book on discernment called “The Exclamation” that gave an interesting thought: “Look at the person you’re dating and ask, ‘If I die, would I want that person to raise our children without me.'” Okay, a little intense to think about in the early dating stages, but in the heavier discernment stages, something to think about!

      And yes, my married friends definitely still have lots of friends, even single ones. 🙂 Although couples do tend to hang with couples, parents more with parents, etc. But hey, Liz still talks to me while juggling 3 kids, haha. 😉

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