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The Skinny Jean Saga

January 5, 2010

Exhibit A: My Normal Jeans

I love my regular jeans. They’re soft, comfortable, nice enough to wear to work, fun enough to wear to a bar…they’re everything you’d want in a pair of jeans.

Or so I thought.

I was over at a friend’s house watching football a few weeks ago when his girlfriend–who, in all fairness, is quite stylish–said that she thought that more guys should wear skinny jeans. More form-fitting clothing.

She planted the seed in my head, and a few days later, I e-mailed her asking if she knew of any jeans that fit the following requirements:

  1. Be skinnier.
  2. Be size 32/30.
  3. Make my butt look good.
  4. Not be too tight on the crotch.
  5. Be under $100.

She recommended a pair that followed all of those except for #5, so I went to my good friend Twitter and asked people there if they had any recommendations. To my surprise and delight, this started a rapid exchange on Twitter with several different people about the merits of skinny jeans, along with a few recommendations.

I walked away with a good idea of what I was going to order, but it took me a few days to actually do it. Finally I pulled the trigger and bought two pairs of jeans (2 for 1 deal) from Tilly’s, which, from its homepage, appears to be a place for homeless hipster teenagers to buy their clothing.

I got the jeans and tried them on. Man were they tight. They barely fit over my boxers. Sitting down was particularly constricting on my man bits.

Did they look good? I couldn’t tell. I was so used to my other pair of jeans that I had no idea. So I did what any girlfriend-less man would do in 2009: I crowdsourced opinions on Twitter.

Exhibit B: My Skinny Jeans

There were actually several other photos of me in ridiculous poses (the rest had less crotch-in-your-face and more Jamey-looking-ridiculous), but this was the basic idea: I posted photos of the jeans on Twitter, and people told me what they thought.

The overwhelming consensus was that I should keep the jeans. So I did. I even wore them to work today. They worked fine, but I feel like I’m holding my breath all day when I’m sitting down. So, the saga continues…

See how much fun Twitter can be? I’ll definitely use it to test out new items of clothing in the future.

Read my insights on Twitter here. Then join Twitter here. Then you should follow me on Twitter here.

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38 Comments leave one →
  1. Neeraja permalink
    January 6, 2010 9:37 am

    Jamey works in a pretty chill environment, but to all you other people out there, please please please think carefully about whether it’s appropriate to wear skinny jeans to the office. I can think of many an office where it is NOT appropriate.

    Also, leggings. Do not wear leggings at all if you work in a corporate environment. If it is a more casual workplace, at least wear tops that cover your BOTTOM with the pair of leggings. Leggings and a short shirt are NOT okay.

    Finally?

    Tights are not pants!

    • T-Mac permalink
      January 6, 2010 9:54 am

      Neeraja, maybe (probably) this is my fashion ignorance, but what are leggings? I envisioned puffy pastel-colored leg warmers from the 80s, but that doesn’t seem to match what you’re talking about.

    • January 6, 2010 10:56 am

      Neeraja–I’m curious where the source of your comment comes from. Do some people at your office get away with wearing clothes like that, and you don’t like it?

      My office is very, very casual. I’m part of the business staff, so I try to stay pretty professional. But I didn’t think the skinny jeans looked unprofessional on me (no more unprofessional than my normal jeans). Obviously mine aren’t the super tight, completely form-fitting kind.

      • Neeraja permalink
        January 6, 2010 12:20 pm

        People in my office wear the most ridiculous things. Hooker heels (red patent leather 5-inch spikes are not office appropriate), fish net stockings, leggings (which hide NOTHING – they are skin-tight lycra – people run and dance in them), mini-skirts.

        Every office environment is different, though, and clothing that is appropriate in some offices is not in others. So I’m sure your skinny jeans are fine at your office. I’m just saying that people should think carefully about whether certain items are office-appropriate for them.

    • January 6, 2010 1:18 pm

      Tights are not pants!

      Thank you for saying this. They really are not. I don’t care how long your trendy shirt/sweater shirt over them is, they are not pants.

      • January 6, 2010 1:24 pm

        I’d like to support a movement for all those who consider tights as pants. Women, follow the sorority girls of the world and flaunt your black tights! They count as pants!

        • Dionne permalink
          January 6, 2010 1:54 pm

          I have black tights but I do not wear them as pants. I mostly put them on under certain styles of dresses. I do have a pair that I put on under my ripped jeans so people will look at the cool effect of the ripped jeans without being distracted by skin. Plus…I have a ghetto booty- tights r generally not my friends, jeans r.

  2. Dionne permalink
    January 6, 2010 10:15 am

    Um, I do NOT, repeat, do NOT like men wearing skinny jeans. That is best left for emo teenagers to wear and coke-thin rock stars. I find men unattractive in those jeans. There are better ways to show off “assets” if that’s what you are trying to do.

    • January 6, 2010 10:56 am

      Sorry Dionne, too late. You should have been on Twitter that night!

    • Joe S permalink
      January 6, 2010 11:49 am

      Dionne – any advice on how to show off “assets” without going the skinny jeans route? B/c I agree with you, they look best on teenagers, not men in their late 30s except for the occasional male model (which we all know Jamey secretly is becoming).

      • Dionne permalink
        January 6, 2010 1:11 pm

        Yes, there are different types of jeans that are cut to show your best features. You can go into any store that specializes in jeans (i.e. Lucky, Structure, Express, American Eagle) and they will have somebody pick the jean that works well with your body type. Then, they can help you pick the type of shirt that will a) not only go with the jeans b) compliment your body structure c) is the right color for you.

        I think all men should take a woman with them when they shop. I have tagged along with several guy friends to help them out. Most men want a woman approved look.

        • January 6, 2010 1:25 pm

          So this would require me to actually go to a store? I agree that men should always shop with a woman in tow. But I loathe shopping.

          • Dionne permalink
            January 6, 2010 1:52 pm

            So make it a quarterly event. Go during the week so there are no crowds and no hoards of teens moving in packs in the mall. Couple it with an awesome lunch and perhaps a movie so its not just going out to shop.

  3. T-Mac permalink
    January 6, 2010 10:15 am

    I’ve thought about the skinny jeans before, but I’ve come to the conclusion that your #4 requirement is not possible in skinny jeans (which are always low-rise, the worst crime against men in the jeans world). I’d like to go back in time, find the male fashion model who first wore low-rise pants, slap the “I look good, but I don’t care” look off his face, and yell, “What are you thinking, man! Your decision is the fashion equivalent of Martin Luther King, Jr. saying, ‘It’s OK. African-Americans are lesser people.’ Your decision to wear low-rise nut crushers will set us back 20 years!” Then I’d slap him again for every time I’ve tried on a pair of those horrendous pants thinking that they are what I should buy but hating the fact that my balls are literally in pain by the end of a few hours of sitting in those tight motherf’ers.

    Wow. That rant was kind of cathartic. That said, I think the most valuable aspect of the skinny jeans is #3 (make your butt look good), but I think this is possible with reasonable, non-“skinny” jeans that simply aren’t overly baggy or saggy. In fact, for a lot of guys, skinny jeans seem to make their butts look nonexistant, whereas a good pair of regular jeans that aren’t labeled “loose-fitting” can do the trick. Anyone care to weigh in on this?

    • January 6, 2010 10:58 am

      Trev–I hear what you’re saying. I think my ideal pair of jeans would be a little tighter and stylish, but give me more room in the crotch area (especially when I sit down). I really wish jean designers made jeans with male anatomy in mind.

      • T-Mac permalink
        January 6, 2010 11:25 am

        I agree! Do they not wear their own jeans? Is there some nut-tucking secret that evades us? (First, you tuck the left one under your crotch, then twist and position the right one juuuussst behind the bend in the zipper…) I have no idea.

    • Dionne permalink
      January 6, 2010 1:12 pm

      Low-rise, nut crushers!! Lmao!

  4. Bryce permalink
    January 6, 2010 1:39 pm

    “so I went to my good friend Twitter”

    Jamey, I think this is the first step toward your becoming completely disconnected with actual human beings. You’ve already announced that you will never intereact with an actual human in a store and that you will only shop online. Then you announced that you are not currently interesting in dating a human. Now you eshew the people with whom you interact on twitter and you turn simply to the technology itself for your advice.

    Soon you will be a lonely Wall-E mindlessly trolling about a humanless wasteland hoping for a magic flying iPod to descend from the sky to build a friendship with.

    On second thought, I might be blowing that statement out of proportion…hmmmm….nope, I stick to it, you’re definitely becoming a robot.

    • January 6, 2010 1:41 pm

      But even Wall-E finds love!

      The thing about Twitter is that there’s real people on the other end. I actually feel much, much more connected to people on Twitter than I do just aimlessly surfing the web and reading articles. Of course, the alternative is to actually see people in real life, but it’s just too cold here to do that. (I have them come to me on poker night.)

  5. Bryce permalink
    January 6, 2010 1:42 pm

    Also, can we play a quick game?

    Over/Under – The Stegmaier crotch pic brings as many hits to this blog as that Salma Hayek pic from back in the day.

    • January 6, 2010 1:46 pm

      So far today, Hayek is beating Stegmaier Crotch 61 to 46 in terms of views. “Salma Hayek” searches led 53 people to the blog, while “Jamey Stegmaier” has 11 searches.

      • Bryce permalink
        January 6, 2010 2:04 pm

        I still take the Over. People don’t realize that the crotch picture is there yet. Once people realize it, they will come.

        • Dionne permalink
          January 6, 2010 2:24 pm

          Denim crotches don’t do it for me, sorry. Plus that pic was not a well-lit pic of a crotch. Need more contrast! lol

  6. Joe S permalink
    January 6, 2010 2:42 pm

    Thanks Dionne for the advice. For the record, I only go shopping with a female in tow, who always has good fashion advice. If she drank beer, I’d owe her a keg. She’s my savior.

    Also – I’m so glad I subscribed to these comments via email b/c they have just made my day. All of them.

  7. Red permalink
    January 6, 2010 3:21 pm

    1) Agreeing with Dionne. Skinny jeans are for (some) women, or bird-legged men.
    2) Consider the mechanics of sitting down. Your torso leans forward at the waist, contracting the abs, and stretching the glutes. The top of the pants SHOULD stay near the top of the waist (unless you’re selling your crack). If the material does not stretch (see: leggings/stirrups/singlet) the bottom of the seat pulls up, and the undercaridge pulls toward the back of the pant to cover the stretching glute. Where does that material come from? The crotch!

    So you can either have form fitting jeans that will hug your non-existant curves and crush your sac, OR get pants with room in the crotch, and say goodbye to ever showcasing your bony butt.
    3) I think you mentioned twitter at least as many times as you mention jeans in this saga.

    • January 6, 2010 3:48 pm

      Whose butt are calling bony, sir? 🙂

      When I sit down in my normal jeans, my crotch is unhindered by denim.

      Twitter was definitely just as key to this post as skinny jeans.

  8. krw permalink
    January 6, 2010 7:43 pm

    Jamey Stegmaier models his skinny jeans and Kate Gosselin flaunts her new extensions! 🙂

  9. Bob permalink
    January 6, 2010 8:40 pm

    Please, Jamey, don’t lead us men down this road!

    Right now, the only uncomfortable clothes I have to put up with are ties and suits in the summer. (And, for that matter, wearing a jacket with no tie is now kosher in a lot of semi-dressy situations.)

    If you want to accentuate the crotchal area, just wear a codpiece. They’re coming back, I hear.

    • January 6, 2010 11:07 pm

      Ties?! How are ties uncomfortable? Just don’t tie them all the way.

      I don’t even know what a codpiece is. How often do you wear yours?

      • T-Mac permalink
        January 7, 2010 9:40 am

        I’m gonna agree with Bob on this one. Stegmaier may have mastered the tie, but I’m guessing most of us find them pretty uncomfortable or find it hard to get them to look right if we’re going for a comfortable, relaxed look.

  10. Bob permalink
    January 6, 2010 11:51 pm

    On Codpiece Friday, of course.

  11. January 7, 2010 1:20 am

    If I feel uncomfortable, I know I don’t look my best. I believe clothes that are fitted look better than clothes that are loose. But fitted doesn’t mean skin tight. Jamey, you’re a good-looking guy, and you look fine in those jeans. But, while styles come and go, when it comes to fit, I’m guessing you’ll usually feel happiest, and therefore look your best, if you can breath.

    • January 7, 2010 1:23 am

      Thank you, Cara, and well said. I’m exaggerating a bit on the breathing…they’re fine. I’ll just see if I get used to that style, and if not, I’ll auction them off to charity 🙂

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