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Are Asian Women Better Kissers?

November 25, 2009

My friends know that I’m often easily attracted to Asian women. I’m not sure if it’s because I studied Japanese for so long or if such attraction was built into my genes from the start. Either way, it’s there, and I know it.

Today, on a lark, I decided to list all the women I’ve dated or become involved with in some form of intimacy to see what percentage of them were Asian. I wagered a guess of about 50%, so I was a little surprised by the results–both by the actual percentages and the fact that my dating life seems divided between Asian women and Caucasian women, and no others (and no, I’m not giving you the total number):

Only 35%! Maybe I have less of a fetish than I think.

Then I got to thinking…what else can I learn from this data? I have these two distinct groups–mind you, I’m not saying that all Asians are alike or that all Caucasian women are the same–and it’s certainly worth digging deeper to see if any other patterns emerge.

I should back up here and mention that kissing is a big deal to me. I know there are more “adult” activities I could talk about, but when it comes to a relationship or even a single date, the kiss makes a big impact on me. I’ve encountered some pretty bad kissers in my day and a few great kissers (with all due respect to my ex, Nancy, she was one of the great kissers). If I’m not excited to kiss you, I’m probably not excited to do other things either.

So I went down the list of women and marked if they were a good kisser or a bad kisser. Simple as that. I gave them the benefit of the doubt, so if someone made it to the “bad” column, they were pretty bad. The results…well, women, you have some work to do:

62% of the women I’ve kissed have been bad kissers! And not just decent kissers–I’m talking flat-out bad.

Now, those females reading this are probably thinking one of two things:

  1. You’re thinking that you are most definitely in the 38%.
  2. You’re thinking that I may not be a good kisser, hence the poor results with my partners.

In response to the first thought, hopefully you’re in the 38%. But look at the data–the odds are against it.

In response to the second: Sure, it’s possible that I’m a bad kisser. It’s quite possible. But I doubt it because of one key fact: I think the key to a good kisser is paying attention to what the other person is doing and adapting to it. I’m an expert at this in all walks of life. This is what I do. I’m hyper-aware of my surroundings and I adapt to make sure everyone is comfortable. So perhaps I’m not a blow-your-mind kisser. But I’m one that will pay attention to you, because you deserve that.

I decided to dig a little deeper and see if there were any connections between race and kissing ability (from my experience):

Very interesting…again, we’re dealing with limited results here (fewer than 50), but it would seem that my odds of enjoying a kissing experience is higher with an Asian woman than a Caucasian alternative. Again, this is my experience and is in no way representative of the billions of women out there.

Will I actually approach dating in the future looking for a certain race just to increase my chances of finding a better kisser? Of course not. I think the true results gleaned from my little survey have more to do with my approach to women and dating than anything else.

How important is kissing to you? What makes a good kisser? Have you found any patterns in your relationships and flirtations?

Compiling this post reminded me a little bit of the happiness blog entry I wrote a while back.

36 Comments leave one →
  1. T-Mac permalink
    November 25, 2009 10:16 am

    Very interesting…one thing of note relative to your dating/”involved” percentages: while only 35% of the women with whom you’ve been involved are Asian, Asians make up only 4.5% of the entire population of the U.S. (as opposed to about 79.8% Caucasian)…so discounting the massive advantage that Asians had during your time in Japan, that 35% looks like quite a large Asian fetish! I know that you’re looking for other more interesting feedback, but that was just the first thing that popped into my mind when I read this.

    Also, just out of curiosity, Nancy’s of Egyptian decent. Most of Egypt is in Africa, and a little bit is in Asia, yet I don’t see an “African” category. Where did she fall in this schematic?

    • Dionne permalink
      November 25, 2009 10:36 am

      I thought Egyptians are considered East Asians.

    • November 25, 2009 10:44 am

      That’s a good point about the fetish…point taken. I counted Nancy as white, just as I counted the two half-Asians with whom I’ve been involved as Asians. Although Nancy could probably count as West-Asian or African.

  2. Dionne permalink
    November 25, 2009 10:22 am

    Jamey I’m so sad for you that you don’t have any
    “latina” experiences. It pains my heart that you have been deprived of love from a latina woman. Let me tell you… one kisses better and with much passion that a latina. She exudes passion in everything she does. This passion is transferred to her lover not just in her kiss, but in her zeal for living, loving, working, and playing. I hope that you, one day, get the chance to experience that. Everyone should. Btw….I prefer caucasian men……

    • November 25, 2009 10:48 am

      Your last point is really interesting…you talk about the passion and zeal that Latina women have, and yet you prefer Caucasian men? Do Latino men not exude the same passion and zeal that you speak so highly of?

      • Dionne permalink
        November 25, 2009 11:32 am

        Latin men have passion, but they also have “Machismo” which I cannot stand. I apologize if what I’m about to say sounds stereotypical or a generalization, but I was raised around these type of men: Latin men tend to be both arrogant and promiscuous (sometimes even arrogant about their promiscuity). The causcasian men I’ve dated have been able to be “confident” without being arrogant and don’t “kiss and tell” like their latin counterparts. This could also be a regional thing since I live in San Antonio and the latin men here are far different than, say, latin men in the midwest. The latin men here have a sense of entitlement (also a cultural norm) and expect the women to “serve” them. Caucasian men believe in both partners equally contributing to the relationship- thus, I am a FAN. BIG FAN. BIG.

        • November 25, 2009 11:43 am

          I see, that makes sense. That’s an excellent differentiation between passion and machismo. I can see why you’d want someone with the zeal but without the arrogance behind it (and definitely without the promiscuity!)

          • Christine permalink
            November 25, 2009 12:24 pm

            I am currently dating a Latino man, the first and only Latino I’ve dated, but his kissing skills are on an entirely level than any of the Caucasian men I’ve dated which surprised me, since I didn’t really believe the stereotype. I do think it partially comes from the passion that is part of his culture though, which is far different than the culture I was raised in.

            • November 25, 2009 12:39 pm

              An entirely new level, huh? So is that just from the passion? I mean, we’ve all had passionate kisses, but that doesn’t inherently make them good.

  3. Eric permalink
    November 25, 2009 10:26 am

    If Nancy is reading this, I would love for her to chime in and tell us all about Jamey’s kissing skills. Let’s really open up this comments board…!

  4. Neeraja permalink
    November 25, 2009 11:02 am

    Um, Nancy is WEST Asian? Am I thinking about this incorrectly?

    • November 25, 2009 11:04 am

      Yes, I think that’s what Dionne meant. But Egypt is in Africa, so I think Nancy would be African.

      • Neeraja permalink
        November 25, 2009 11:09 am

        You’re right, I missed your statement. Sorry!

        • Neeraja permalink
          November 25, 2009 11:14 am

          I wonder how Nancy would classify herself. My Egyptian friend Marc classified himself as Middle Eastern. Egypt, while in the continent of Africa, has much more in common with the Middle East. Hmm.

      • T-Mac permalink
        November 25, 2009 1:24 pm

        I’m also curious if Nancy’s family is from Egypt in Africa or Egypt in Asia. 1.3 million Egyptians live on the Sinai Peninsula (in Asia).

        Sidenote: the whole concept of “Middle Eastern” has always seemed odd to me. It’s like China, Japan, and Southeast Asia claimed “dibs” on the term “Asian” in reference to it’s people. Not even Indians really get that moniker, and Russians, despite the vast majority of their land actually being located in Asia, certainly don’t get to call themselves Asian.

        • T-Mac permalink
          November 25, 2009 1:26 pm

          edit: “their” people (rather than “it’s”)

  5. Neeraja permalink
    November 25, 2009 11:07 am

    Also, my personal feeling on this subject is that things change with age and experience. I would say that at 20, I probably wasn’t a great kisser. At 26, I hope that things have improved. Furthermore, after 2 years with someone, kissing become sweeter because it’s with someone you care deeply about. And over time, you can better communicate what you do and do not like. Obviously it’s not appropriate for this forum, but Jamey, for your own erudition, I wonder how many of the good kissers fell into the longer-term relationship category vs. the brief encounter category.

    And Trev, I TOTALLY had the same thought about % of Asians in the US vs. percentage that Jamey has dated.

    • November 25, 2009 11:25 am

      I would definitely agree that kissing ability varies (hopefully improves) with age and experience.

      Yeah, I wouldn’t quite feel comfortable posting specifically about my long-term relationship kissers, but I’d say that a very high percentage of them were good kissers. Could part of that be that it’s tough to be in a relationship for a long time with someone who you’re not excited to kiss? Maybe. (Sidenote: Writing that makes me remember someone else to add to the list. Too late now.)

  6. Eric permalink
    November 25, 2009 3:21 pm

    Stegmaier, where are these blog posts headed? Do we next find out which race is best in bed? I see in a whole new light now. Jamey Stegmaier: renowned author and sex therapist.

    • Dionne permalink
      November 25, 2009 4:04 pm

      You know what my answer to that is….Latinas!!

    • November 25, 2009 4:04 pm

      I don’t know if that’s the best direction for this blog to take, but I’ll take it into consideration. 🙂

  7. November 25, 2009 4:05 pm

    Are Latina’s not the best at anything, Dionne?

    • Dionne permalink
      November 25, 2009 4:10 pm

      Yummm yea….we are the worst at holding our tongues, worst at dealing with B.S., and we have the worst tempers.

      • Dionne permalink
        November 25, 2009 4:11 pm

        I mean “Ummm” not “Yummm”…lol.

      • November 25, 2009 4:13 pm

        From that it sounds like Latinas are great lovers but not good in relationships.

        • Dionne permalink
          November 25, 2009 4:18 pm

          Not true…lol. So not true:) I’m great in relationships- I just haven’t had that Hey, I have standards.

          • November 25, 2009 4:21 pm

            Hm…I don’t know many men who want to date angry women who lash out and add drama to their lives…. 🙂 I agree that those traits are very good for passionate flings, though.

  8. Dionne permalink
    November 25, 2009 4:27 pm

    Lol, who said anything about lashing out or adding drama? Latinas fight for those they love. They are extremely maternal and protective. Our families and loved ones always come first. These qualities make us great advocates for those who are marginalized in society and, for those, whose voices would not otherwise be heard. We turn friends and acquaintances into “family”, we don’t quit when challenges come our way, and we are long-suffering if needed. All of these qualities are necessary in a relationship and add to what makes a great partner.

    • November 25, 2009 4:57 pm

      Well said. I especially like the line: “We turn friends and acquaintances into family.”

  9. Dionne permalink
    November 25, 2009 5:00 pm

    Thanks…Cuz (aka cousin)…lol.

    • November 25, 2009 5:01 pm

      So have you told your friends and acquaintances about this blog? That’s what I’d hope family would do 🙂

      • Dionne permalink
        November 25, 2009 5:05 pm

        Actually I did, today. I have a boss, who is also a long time family friend, and I told her about this particular blog (her son is currently dating a Japanese woman) and she is interested in reading it and passing it along. So, yes, I have promoted the blog.

        • November 25, 2009 5:19 pm

          Thanks–you’re the best! And thanks even more for making the comments section on this blog much more vibrant than before you started reading!

          • Dionne permalink
            November 25, 2009 5:24 pm

            Awwww….shucks…(blushing). Thanks Jamey. Thank you for making it worthwhile to read. I think your fans would like another “confession” from you.

            • November 25, 2009 6:07 pm

              Today was kind of a confession…. We’ll see. I’m doing a Thanksgiving post tonight, so maybe on Thursday night I’ll do another confession. I’m glad you like them!

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