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The Vampire Talk

November 19, 2009

With the vampire movie New Moon coming out, this is a good time to sit down with your significant other and ask the question you need to ask before it’s too late:

If one of you turns into a vampire at some point, what sacrifices (moral, ethical, corporal) will the other make to sustain the relationship?

This is a question that Nancy and I addressed while we were dating. I have no interest in becoming a vampire, but I do have extremely pronounced canine incisors, so there’s the possibility that they will one day grow whatever bloodsucking vein vampires have and only fresh blood will sustain me from then on.

Fortunately, there are alternatives to hunting mortals once you go vampire:

  1. Freshly killed animals. Pros: You don’t have to displace all your morals. Cons: In an urban area like St. Louis, you’re limited to the types of fresh animals whose blood you can suck. We’re talking squirrels, rabbits, and domestic dogs and cats.
  2. Blood banks. Pros: You don’t have to hurt anyone to gain access to this blood. Cons: It’s not fresh unless you volunteer at a blood drive. Also, you’re hurting the potential recipient of the blood donation.
  3. Small amounts of your significant other’s blood. Pros: Vampire movies make this out to be fairly sensual, so you may grow closer as a couple. Cons: Vampires tend to lose control when they’re drinking human blood, so there’s a decent chance that you’ll drink too much and suck him/her dry.

Of course, if you’re willing to shed all moral and ethical standards, the world is your blood-filled oyster. If you want to keep your relationship strong, the best thing to do is turn your significant other into a vampire as well. Otherwise one of you will grow old while the other keeps his/her immortally youthful luster.

If your significant other isn’t willing to talk about the possibility of one of you turning into a vampire, you may need to reconsider your relationship. Do you really want to be with someone who isn’t willing to hypothesize about the future with you?

Feel free to post the results of your discussions in the comments section.

Also see a related entry I wrote about Twilight and the Red Cross teaming up for an ad campaign.

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