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10 Ways to Have the Best Halloween Ever

October 29, 2009

Earmuffs, ladies. It’s time for guy talk. Here are 8 simple ways to have the best Halloween ever.

  1. Don’t host a Halloween party. Everybody hosts parties on Halloween. All you’re doing by hosting a party is adding one more obligation to your friends’ busy schedules.
  2. Don’t go trick-or-treating. Seriously. You’re an adult. Just go buy some candy.
  3. If you go to a bar, go to one that plays music at a reasonable level. Halloween costumes make for great banter. Do you really want to be shouting over “Poker Face” when you’re trying to chat with the girl in the Megan Fox costume?


    Megan Fox

    Will you see this costume on the 31st?

  4. Wear a costume. Don’t be the dude who refuses to wear a costume. It’s not funny or ironic or whatever you think it is. If you’re struggling to think of something interesting, get a group costume together with a bunch of friends. Last year my buddies and I went as Top Gun wingmen. (Wingmen! Get it? Get it?) A few years ago I organized a group of a dozen Greek “gods and goddesses” in togas. These costumes are not difficult, and doing it together with other people makes it a lot of fun.
  5. Wear a touchable costume. If you’ve ever gone out to a bar or club and wished that women’s hands were all over you (but weren’t), here’s your chance to remedy that. Construct your costume around that premise.
  6. Don’t wear makeup. Sure, your vampire costume is elaborate and completely original (not really). But if you’re a single guy, no woman is going to want to do anything with you beyond take a photo or two.
  7. Don’t wear a mask. Masks are just creepy. Don’t do it.
  8. Realize that you have the easiest opening line ever. “So, what are you supposed to be?” The key: Don’t overuse it. If it’s perfectly clear that the woman you want to talk to is dressed like a cat, don’t ask her what she is. Just tell her you like her costume. Great follow up line of conversation: Ask her what her favorite costume she ever wore is, and follow up by asking about other costumes she’s worn.
  9. Don’t insult a woman’s costume. Most women who dress up on Halloween really care about the costume they put together. Again, tell them you like it.
  10. Hold your bottled beer with your left hand. There’s a theory behind this.

I’m undecided as to where I stand on guys dressing as girls on Halloween. Women seem to get a kick out of it, but I’ve never been a fan of the idea. Just seems kind of weird. If you want to wear a bra, do so on your own time. No judgment. (Okay, maybe a little judgment, but minimal.)

What am I missing? There’s only one day left before Halloween, so post now.

PS. Women: I suggest following these rules as well. Except for 8. I don’t think guys like to explain their costumes. If you understand what they’re wearing, approach them; if not, there are other ghosts in the graveyard.

PPS. Not-Single Guys: Most of these rules still apply to you–if you’re not with your significant other, you can still have fun on Halloween–everybody’s just a big kid on Halloween anyway. If you’re with your girlfriend, try a couples costume.

20 Comments leave one →
  1. October 29, 2009 10:41 pm

    So, are we going to try out #8 on Saturday??

    • Caitlin permalink
      October 30, 2009 6:04 pm

      Charles, in saying “we,” I can only assume you’re referring to us.

  2. October 29, 2009 10:42 pm

    P.S. We wouldn’t be trying to boost the hits with that gratuitous Megan Fox picture, would we?

  3. October 29, 2009 10:42 pm

    No, no. Not us.

  4. October 29, 2009 10:56 pm

    What….? Me? Use a photo of a hot celebrity to increase hits? No…

    (Seriously, I’m going to start putting similar photos on completely unrelated blog posts. You should try it.)

  5. October 30, 2009 7:14 am

    I submit that there is not such thing as a “gratuitous” Megan Fox picture.

  6. T-Mac permalink
    October 30, 2009 7:51 am

    Very appropriate time to reference “1000 Awesome Things” (which I read every day). They just posted a “Hilarious Last Minute Halloween Costume” entry…and the Jabba the Hut costume is awesome.

    • October 30, 2009 10:41 am

      I saw that…indeed, it’s very good. Did that guy just lay there the whole night?

      • T-Mac permalink
        October 30, 2009 1:19 pm

        I bet he did. Too bad he didn’t have a hot Princess Leia chained to him.

  7. October 30, 2009 5:50 pm

    “…ghosts in the graveyard.” That’s good stuff!

  8. Dionne permalink
    November 1, 2009 3:12 pm

    Speaking of group costumes and costumes meant to touch, a guy I know got his friends and him to dress as Spartans from 300. They only had helmets, capes, shin shields, swords and skimpy underwear on to cover their assets. They were bare chested and hot!! A previous year that same friend went with his bestfriend as Maverick and Goose from Top Gun a la beach volleyball scene: jeans, no shirt, dog tags, and sunglasses. HOT!!!

    • November 1, 2009 8:34 pm

      That’s great! It was way too cold in St. Louis last night for people to be wearing some of the skimpy costumes they put together. I opted not to show much skin.


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