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What You Thought Sex Was When You Were a Kid

October 15, 2009
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(Note: This entry will use some adult language, but it’s not used in a crude or inappropriate way.)

At a happy hour today, a few coworkers and I started talking about what we thought sex was when we were kids. All of us had at least one misconception and/or friends who had misconceptions. I thought I’d share a few with you today, and I’d love to hear any that have to share in the comments section. No shame in being oblivious in elementary school. Or middle school. Or high school.

  • When he was a kid, my coworker thought that oral sex was kissing (mouth to mouth). (That actually makes sense. The next one does not.)
  • Up until the time she got to college, my coworker’s friend thought that a blow job involved a guy lying down on the bed and the girl using a blow dryer to blow hot air all over his body. (Really.)
  • When I was in second grade, I learned from an early sex ed class that a person could get an STD from skin-to-skin contact. Thus I was truly terrified at recess that day when a girl touched my bare chest with her hand. I later tattled on the girl’s promiscuity to the teacher.
  • When I was in seventh grade, an eighth grader on my school bus told me the truth about how sex worked (what goes where). I absolutely, positively did not believe him.
  • Also in seventh grade, my sex ed teacher told the class during an abstinence lesson that she had heard of cases where women had gotten pregnant through their underwear. I walked down the hallway after that class scared to death that I was going to brush too close to one of the hundreds of underwear-wearing girls in the hall and accidentally impregnate her.

What sexual fallacies did you believe as a child?

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. Neeraja permalink
    October 16, 2009 11:51 am

    Though I learned how heterosexual “relations” occurred in the 5th grade (from my 6th grader friend), I did not understand how homosexual relations occurred until probably the age of 17. I was very, very confused about how one could possibly be a lesbian at my all-girls school 🙂

    • October 16, 2009 1:00 pm

      I’m still not quite sure how lesbians do it. I’d rather leave that shrouded in mystery.

  2. Joe S permalink
    October 16, 2009 10:12 pm

    In 4th grade I just thought that all it took what putting the men’s special instrument in the small space in between a woman’s busoms. Thats how pregnancy happened in my mind. It was around 5th grade that I figured out the reality, but still managed to ask “whats a blowjob” at lunch one day. That got some feedback.

    • October 16, 2009 10:43 pm

      That’s awesome. I had a similar experience in 4th grade when I asked the cafeteria lady what a “prostitute” was. She told me it was a woman who used her body for work. Like, a factory worker, I thought.

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