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The Ball Room

August 27, 2009

You’re going to get in fights with your significant other.

Not physical fights, mind you (at least, I sure hope not). But arguments, disagreements that escalate to the point that verbal jabs are just as hurtful as physical ones.

That’s not to say that arguments need to build to that level. In all the big fights I’ve ever had with a significant other, we’re civil for about 98% of them. And then, every now and then–maybe once or twice a year–a line is crossed and the things that are said on the other side of that line can be truly hurtful.

I want to avoid that 2%. That 2% is useless and scarring.

Fortunately, I have a solution. I’d like to present to you the Ball Room.

Remember when you were a little kid at Burger King, you’d eat your food and then head over to the giant bin of bacteria that also contained plastic balls? I loved that room. Kids had different objectives in that room, but mine was always to move all the balls over to one side of the room–enlisting several other kids to do so, if possible–and finding loose change on the floor.

That’s beside the point. The point is that when I have my own house with a plethora of rooms one day, I want to fill one of those rooms with plastic balls. Not for play. For arguing with my wife.

Think about it. You and your wife start to argue about something. Tensions are rising. Your pulse is racing.

So you say, “Let’s take this to the ball room.”

There you continue the argument, but now you’re surrounded by colored plastic balls. Whenever you shake your fist, balls bounce scatter everywhere.  You try to pace, but you’re wading through balls.

Soon, the balls will remind you that whatever you’re arguing about is actually kind of silly, and time is way too precious to spend it shouting at one another.

I just can’t imagine staying mad for long if I were in a room filled with plastic balls. Can you?

4 Comments leave one →
  1. T-Mac permalink
    August 28, 2009 6:53 am

    Hmm…I have mixed thoughts on this. First, a ball room is always a good idea. Always. Just ask Mr. Paul Lapreziosa, of “ball basement” fame. (It can, however, be more expensive than you’d expect.)

    My opposing thought, however, is that those things hurt more than you’d expect when tossed quickly at someone. I can’t imagine that both parties wouldn’t be tempted to hurl balls at each other as they got angry.

    My solution, on the other hand, would be to buy an old-school Sega Genesis (or Super NES) and a working copy of Mortal Kombat. Nothing feels better than ripping someone’s head off with the spine still dangling or throwing a harpoon through someone who’s pissing you off, then dragging her (or him) to you and doling out a viscious uppercut. My one recommendation, however, would be that whoever the better player is should let the other player win the 2nd game (after you’ve cooled off a bit). It doesn’t help at all if you just keep pummeling an already pissed off person with bolts of lightning.

    • August 28, 2009 9:24 am

      That’s hilarious. I’d fully endorse that method.

      I actually did think about how hard those plastic balls are. Especially if they hit you in the face, even if they’re not thrown very hard. Perhaps they could be more cushiony, or a light enough plastic that you could barely throw them.

      • Bryce permalink
        September 9, 2009 2:54 pm

        I think if you wore some kind of face guard (think paintball helmet) and a lightly padded suit it would actually be therapeutic to just pelt balls at each other. Then after you get that out of your system you can just roll around in the balls together (…and with any luck add a little more bacteria to the mix)

        • September 9, 2009 2:58 pm

          Well done commenting on a blog post from like 8 years ago.

          But yes, I like the facemask idea.

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