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8 Things Every Man Should Know

March 5, 2009

Photo of Jamey with Baseball Bat to Legitimize This Post

There’s a lot of advice for men out there. Entire magazines are devoted to that type of content. Typical topics range from how to pleasure a woman,  to how to get a six pack, to how to improve your golf swing. Relevant stuff, but repetitive.

Granted, there’s some really good content out there too (see Esquire’s “75 Things Every Man Should Know“). 75? I’ve got 8. They’re fundamentals. Four do’s and four don’ts. Follow them.

  1. Eat baby spinach. This is how you stay healthy. Eat a bowl of it with dressing (otherwise it’s very bland) at every dinner. It helps to balance out otherwise unhealthy meals.
  2. Turn off the button sounds on your cell phone. You may have tuned out the beep beep boop beep sounds every time you press a key to text your friend, but the people around you haven’t. Respect them.
  3. Floss. Do you want to wear dentures when you’re 35? Enough said.
  4. Be willing to make fun of yourself. Don’t be the guy who gets pissed off or indignant whenever someone makes a joke at your expense. You’re more likable if you’re willing to laugh at–and poke fun at–your own shortcomings and weaknesses.
  5. Don’t bite your nails. Don’t think that it’s not that bad, or that people don’t notice, or that your fingers don’t look gross. It is, they do, and they do.
  6. Don’t reply to all. Specifically, if you get an e-mail that requires an RSVP, don’t reply to all. Even if you have a really clever reply. Odds are it isn’t as clever as you think it is. Still type it if you think it’s really witty, but let an audience of one be the judge of that.
  7. Don’t punch a wall. If you’re mad or want to show someone you’re mad, take it out on something soft. Not something hard. You’ll just be madder, and now your hand hurts.
  8. Don’t ever tell a woman she smells. Even if she does.  But especially if she doesn’t. Don’t even joke about it. Women are extremely sensitive about body odor. And let’s be honest–98% of the time, they smell damn good. Let them know that, and forget about the 2%.

I’m sure there are plenty more–maybe I’ll write a follow-up post in the future. Anything fundamentals to add?

11 Comments leave one →
  1. Red permalink
    March 6, 2009 1:21 pm

    I can attest to number 7. The reason one thinks about punching a wall is trying to make a point. Nine times out of 10, the point that you end up making is “I’m a stark ravnig lunatic, and I think my hand is stronger than this brick wall, lightpole, tow truck, etc.” You are, and it’s not. On that tenth time, when you manage put your fist through a hundred yeat old plaster wall, you’re still gonna tear uup your hand pretty good, scare everyone around you, and have to fix the wall. Trust me – Just not worth it.

  2. Trevor permalink
    March 9, 2009 10:03 pm

    I finally took a look at this post from a connection that allows me to see your photos, and I have to say, I’m not sure it’s possibly to look legitimately manly in a scarf.

    • March 10, 2009 9:07 pm

      But I’m holding a baseball bat!

      • Trevor permalink
        March 11, 2009 11:56 am

        Still…it’s like threatening to beat someone up by pelting him with cotton balls.

  3. Lori permalink
    May 29, 2009 9:30 am

    even though I’m not a guy…
    1. yum. Cooking it is good, too, of course. (and have you tried kale? it’s my new favorite green in the winter)
    2. couldn’t agree more! I’ve thrown hard looks to people in public over this behavior. And how about scrolling through ring tones, or playing music via your phone without headphones? Not appropriate for the subway or a waiting room. Or any public places for that matter.
    3. uh. I need to work on this one. I know, I know.
    4. yep.
    5. double yep.
    6. This point is the only one in which I’ve gotta disagree with you somewhat. Like all things on the internet (blogging, commenting, Facebook, Twitter), ‘reply all’ can be used appropriately or inappropriately. Regarding RSVPing, a ‘reply all’ of yes can build excitement and consensus, witty jokes and all. One crucial consideration is the size and content of the cc list. (how many people do you know? how many people could you potentially annoy?) Yes, people abuse ‘reply all’, but to blanketly ban the use of it is an overreaction. Education is the key.
    7. In frustration, I punched my cube wall recently at work for effect. Unprofessional and poor decision on my part… I was a least cool-headed enough not to injure my hand. I’m a performer, not a fighter.
    8. The men in my life have been following this unknown rule without my knowledge. Carry on!

    • May 29, 2009 9:40 am

      Thanks for the great reply. You have a good point about #6. I’d still contend that for an RSVP, you shouldn’t reply to all (unless it’s a small group and you know everyone and you have some info to share that would be helpful for everyone). There are certainly exceptions to the rule.

      It’s also hilarious that you punched your cube wall. Did you cause damage to the wall?

      • Lori permalink
        May 29, 2009 10:36 am

        Yes, for the most part I think you and I are on the same page regarding the ‘reply all’ thread. I may exercise the choice a bit more, as is my prerogative 🙂

        In terms of controlling the RSVP situation, some of the responsibility lies with the sender: they have the choice to use cc or bcc. Why use cc if you don’t want to start a conversation?

        And no damage to the cube wall, just a loud noise. I didn’t get a direct “talking to”, but I did acknowledge the incident and my poor judgment in a subsequent conversation with one supervisor who cautions me against being too argumentative (and aggressive, which he and I both know, but he refuses to say directly because he’s so non-confrontational). I’m human, this trait is one of the flaws I’m working on.

        But I still kick-ass with CSS and was recently promoted! So ultimate lesson? I’m awesome 😉


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