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Gauging Seduction Intent

February 1, 2009


Valentine’s Day is coming up in 2 weeks. Let’s be honest, Valentine’s Day isn’t a big deal to the vast majority of men. Whether you’re in a relationship or enjoying the life of a bachelor, Valentine’s Day is about making women feel special. Men don’t really get much out of it. We’d rather take out women on days when the set menu doesn’t mandate that we spend $50 on a chicken platter.

Rather, men don’t get much emotionally out of it. However, Valentine’s Day gives you an excuse to ask out that cute girl you jog by every day in Forest Park or that voluptuous woman who shops at Schnuck’s the same day that you do every week. Those women might not otherwise give you the time of day, but on Valentine’s Day, they want a date. They crave that special Valentine’s Day experience. They want to be the girl who tells her other female friends that she can’t join them for their annual February 14 Sex in the City marathon.

How can you tell if your date wants to make this a particularly special Valentine’s Day?

The problem is, just because they say yes to you asking them out doesn’t mean they want anything else-they just don’t want to be lonely on Valentine’s Day. Don’t take advantage of their vulnerability-treat them well, show them a good time, and pay the bill.

How can you tell if your date wants to make this a particularly special Valentine’s Day? There are so many signals and signs to decipher that I’ve compiled a Seduction Intent Rubric to help out all the guys in the world (Nancy helped, so it has the female seal of approval). It’s a lot of material to memorize, so I’d recommend cutting it out and strapping it to your wrist like a quarterback’s playbook. She won’t notice.

Seduction Intent Rubric


    High Intent     (2 points)

Medium Intent (1 point)

Low Intent (0 points)

Amount of Visible Cleavage

>2 inches

1-2 inches


Height of Heel

>2 inches

1-2 inches


Length of Skirt

Above knee

Knee length

Below knee

Strength of Drink

Strong (pure alcohol)

Medium (juice and alcohol)

Weak (water, no lemon)

Amount of Hair Flipping

Once every 2 mins

Once every 5 mins

Only when she gets mashed potatoes in her hair

Amount of Touching of Other Person

Repeated attempts

Once or twice

Not at all

Conversation Topics




Cell Phone Use




Amount of Smiling/Laughing

Most of the time

A few times, but she doesn’t laugh at your unfunny jokes or says “that’s funny” instead of laughing

Barely at all

Perfume Type/Strength

So strong it undoes your belt buckle

Slightest hint

Eau de toilet disinfectant


Let’s Get a Room: 16-20 points

Let’s Just Flirt: 10-15 points

Let’s Keep This Professional: 0-9 points

4 Comments leave one →
  1. Neeraja permalink
    February 9, 2009 10:15 am

    Valentine’s Day. Talk about the worst idea for a holiday, ever. It’s the ultimate day of unmet expectations.

    Gents, take it from me. If you’re single, don’t talk to girls for the next week. Any of them. If a female coworker tries to talk to you, scream shrilly and throw your canister of pens at her midsection. That way, you can avoid the horror of this ridiculous day.

  2. January 4, 2010 2:39 pm

    This had me in hysterics. I don’t know why people get so worked up for this particular day. It’s so overrated. And having worked in a fine dining establishment on more V-day’s than I’d like to count, I can honestly say that intelligent people who are really in love avoid going out for a date on this particular day like the plague. They go on February 11th. Or 16th. But not the day of, the weekend before or the weekend after.

    I agree with the vast majority of your rubric, but with two exceptions. I wear heels because I am short and most of my pants will drag on the ground if I do not. I smile and laugh most of the time because I am happy, not because I want to sleep with you 🙂 But that’s just me!

    Anyways, thanks for a good laugh!

    • January 4, 2010 4:33 pm

      I totally hear you about the heels and smiles/laughter. Hence the point system–by themselves, many of these “signals” don’t mean anything. But enough of them combined together do! 🙂

      I totally hear you about going out a few days before or after Valentine’s Day. I’ve done that many a time.


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