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Newsflash: Local Man Eats 4-Year-Old Frozen Lasagna for Dinner

January 26, 2009

ST. LOUIS, Missouri (AP) — There comes a point in every man’s life when he needs to make a choice. A choice to eat the last thing in his freezer.

On Monday, January 26, Trevor MacDougall made that choice.

MacDougall arrived home just before 6:30 in the evening. He immediately walked over to the freezer, took out the ice-encrusted Stouffer’s lasagna, and put it in the microwave. “I went for it before I could change my mind,” he said.

When asked for the estimated age of the lasagna, MacDougall compared the dating process to that of the rings on a tree. “Frozen foods like this accumulate layer after layer of freezer frost,” he said.


This particular specimen was difficult to determine, because, according to MacDougall, he had lived in three different apartments with the same box of lasagna. “Like a fine wine, lasagna’s flavor changes with age. This one tasted like it was about 4 years old.”

When asked why he hadn’t eaten it long ago, he replied, “I was just never in the mood. Every time I’d move [to another apartment], I’d think about eating it–I like Stouffer’s. Eventually I knew I’d be in the mood.”

“Tonight I was in the mood.”

This reporter attempted to find a “best if eaten by date” on the package, but MacDougall dissuaded further investigation. “There’s nothing more to see here,” he said.

When asked if he was feeling any ill effects of eating the lasagna, he informed reporters that “the freezer pretty much keeps things good forever.”

Doctors are standing by.

Copyright 2009 The Ass Press.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. January 27, 2009 10:19 am

    This is so true. We’ve all had this choice–and, unfortunately, eaten it. Maybe it’s just me and Trevor.

  2. Trevor permalink
    January 27, 2009 10:40 am

    Update: I lived through the night and I didn’t even get indigestion! I think my freezer is going through lasagna withdrawal though–it’s like ending a long-term relationship out of the blue. Poor guy.

  3. January 27, 2009 11:03 am

    I know it’s just not the same, but I’m sure there’s a frosted-over bag of mixed vegetables in there somewhere.

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