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Newsflash: Obama Selects Area Kitten for Cabinet

January 13, 2009

ST LOUIS, Missouri (AP) — Local kitten Biddy Stegmaier (I) has been offered the position of Secretary of Pinning Sheets to the Bed, an Obama insider says.

Pending an official background check, Biddy will be sworn in with the rest of the cabinet on January 2o. “[Biddy] has the experience necessary for this job,” says the insider, who asked not to be identified for this article. “His track record of pinning down sheets, particularly while someone is making the bed, is nearly impeccable.”
Biddy could not be reached for comment, as he is normally sleeping this time of day.
Other area kittens in the press include Winston (R), who was considered for the position pursued and eventually attained by Sen. Bill Tinter, Secretary of Dropping Q-Tips into Bags and Boxes, and Jack (D), whose sordid background prevented him from being offered the position of Secretary of Nudging Things Off Tables (also known as the Secretary of Commerce).
Copyright 2009 The Ass Press.
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