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JoshVision: Question of the Day

December 15, 2008

QOD: We were all taught by GI Joe that “knowing is half the battle.” What are the other parts of the battle?


Answer: This is a tricky question because as we can see in the chart below, despite what we’ve been taught, Knowing isn’t technically 50% of The Battle. In fact, it’s barely a third. But how can this be? Well, I chalk it up more to poor arithmetic on Joe’s part rather than any kind of Saturday morning shenanigans. Joe is, after all, a cartoon character, and therefore is notoriously bad at math.
The non-Knowing factors can be outlined as follows:
The Miscellaneous Factors

These include elements such as Staying in School, Eating your Vegetables, and Working Hard. They all make up part of the total, albeit in much smaller percentages than our parents once led us to believe. In a cynical twist, Who you Know came in higher than those previous three combined. Hey, I don’t make up the data, I only report it.*
Not Doing Crystal Meth

Kids,** I cannot stress this enough. Don’t do drugs, specifically Crystal Meth. Though it only factors in as 9% in this survey, I can say from semi-personal experience that meth is not to be toyed with. It wrecks lives and it makes you ugly. Just check out these actual before-and-after meth pics of sometimes hot Stacy “Fergie” Ferguson. Yowza.

Before Meth
After Meth
Possession of Laser Weapons

This is really the key factor in The Battle. Let’s think about it for a second. Say we have two sides pitted against each other, one possessing a vast array of awesome laser weapons, the other armed with knowledge they obtained from watching cartoons. My prediction? Fried eggheads.
*Josh literally made up all of the data.
**When did this become a kid’s blog?
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2 Comments leave one →
  1. Anonymous permalink
    December 16, 2008 10:16 am

    JoshVision, you are amazing.

  2. Annemarie permalink
    December 18, 2008 3:22 pm

    Nothing* makes me happier than when I can find the note that an asterisk refers to. I’ve spent days** staring at my cracker box hunting for the information promised by that tiny star on the front. I’m sure*** somewhere a graphic designer is laughing maniacally, inserting asterisks willy-nilly to confuse and frustrate curious cracker eaters worldwide. So I applaud you, JoshVision, for your excellent use of asterisks.

    *there might be a few things
    **sometimes really long seconds feel like days
    ***not actually sure

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