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The Urban Loincloth

November 30, 2008

The other day I was talking with a few friends about the movie Last of the Mohicans. One of the girls commented that she really liked the movie because of a few scenes involving Daniel Day-Lewis and his loincloth (note: I did a Google image search for DDL in the loincloth for the blog, but, the search just came up with a bunch of random dudes in loincloths. Sorry to disappoint).

I had two questions after the loincloth came up in conversation: One, how exactly does a loincloth work? Is it just a piece of leather hanging in the front and back, with a string around the waist? Or is there something…underneath?
Two, whatever happened to loincloths? Why do we wear boxers, briefs, and boxer-briefs today instead of loincloths? Is there anything wrong with them?
After thinking long and hard about both questions, I’ve determined that there may have been some design flaws in the original loincloths, but I think a redesigned version could stage a huge comeback, particularly in today’s economy (note: I’ve been tacking the phrase “particularly in today’s economy” onto a LOT of sentences lately. Try it. Four little words instantly make you seem up-to-date with current events).
Thus, I present to you: The Urban Loincloth

3 Comments leave one →
  1. Bob permalink
    December 1, 2008 9:12 pm

    Do your readers not deserve to learn the construction and materials involved in this ulta-old-school apparel? Does a modern man’s loincloth connect front and back flaps? Is there even a back flap?

    Perhaps I doth question too much, though, as that’s some quality artwork that comes with the post.

    Consider a “Loin Week” to run opposite Shark Week once it hits that time of year. You know which one I’d follow.

  2. Jamey Stegmaier permalink
    December 1, 2008 10:09 pm

    You’re right; I forgot to elaborate on the make of the urban loincloth. Instead of a string around the waist, there is an elastic band. And instead of just a piece hanging in the front and back, there is coverage under the sensitive parts as well. Not constrictive, though.

    What TV channel should run Loin Week? MTV? Showtime?

  3. Bob permalink
    December 2, 2008 8:52 pm

    Showtime would be a good fit, but I fear that if ratings weren’t up to snuff it would quickly be repackaged and shipped off to Cinemax, ruining the true non-sexual spirit of the loincloth: minimal, yet functional.

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