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How to Use My Bathroom

November 19, 2008

I have a fairly small office with the added bonus of an attached bathroom. It’s straight ahead as you walk into the office–toilet, sink, trashcan, cabinet with odd reading materials on top. The bare essentials. (I want it put on the record that I never read anything while on the toilet, particularly a toilet used by a variety of hosts. Who thought of such a concept? Here, after you shake out the last few squirts but before you wipe your butt, why don’t you leaf through this magazine published 12 years ago?)

For those counting, here are three simple steps to using my bathroom:
  1. Close the door.
  2. Use the bathroom.
  3. Close the door.
So really, just two steps, one repeated twice. Not that hard, right?
If I were to walk up to you on the street and say, “85% of the people who use my bathroom don’t close the door after they use it, even if I’m in my office,” you’d think I was a crazy person, right? You’d say, “Shoo! Go away, crazy bathroom man. Get that toilet paper out of my face.”
But I’m not crazy. Most people who walk out of my bathroom don’t close the door, despite the fact that I put a sign on the inside of the door reading “Please close the door after use”! 
It’s really not too much to ask. When the bathroom door is closed, I work in an office. When it’s open, I essentially work in a bathroom. Desk, computer, toilet. It’s disgusting.
So please, if you use my bathroom at work, close the door. I don’t want to work in a bathroom.
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8 Comments leave one →
  1. John Aughey permalink
    November 19, 2008 11:23 pm

    The real question is, what percentage of people don’t close the door _while_ they are using the bathroom.

  2. NQL permalink
    November 20, 2008 9:35 am

    Question: What happened to Tneeraja? That bitch owes me money…

    Question: Why is a bar called “bar”?

    Question: Why do you have a third nipple? And don’t give me that “nubin” excuse…

    Question: Will you be doing a review of “Nailin’ Palin” on this blog?

    Question: Are you Leonardo Di Caprio’s long-lost brother? (I watched The Beach last night…ugh.)

    Inquiring minds want to know.

    Oh yeah, and I don’t want to do work.

  3. Jamey Stegmaier permalink
    November 20, 2008 10:48 am

    John, to answer your question, 7.3% (kids these days…).

  4. October 13, 2009 11:18 pm

    Talk about commenting on an old post…

    Earlier in my career, I sat next to the CEO. He had a huge office with a bathroom in it. I had an office the size of my walk-in closet at home – which shared a wall with the president’s bathroom. Now, I’m not saying I LOVED it when I could hear him walk in there, do his thing and walk out. I really didn’t care for the sound of the urine flow followed by a flush while interviewing job candidates, but hey – it was HIS bathroom. And he was THE boss. But here is what bothered me. It was that when he was traveling on business – or pleasure – or whatever the heck he did four days of the week – OTHER PEOPLE used the bathroom. I would witness every member of “The Boys’ Club” walk in to use this bathroom all week long. I’m guessing, and this is just a guess because I don’t claim to understand male bathroom behavior, that the 20 minutes they spent on the other side of my paper-thin wall is evidence of why they needed to use the private bathroom in the first place. So, by the time I left that job, I picked up a few skills and experiences, but I learned nothing if I didn’t learn how long every male manager took on the pot.

    What do you think they’re doing in your bathroom when you’re gone?

    (On a side note, when that CEO got the axe, they turned his office into a 4-cube workspace and the bathroom became the check printing and office supply room. Can you imagine having to print your checks in the stand up shower? Or having to stand on the toilet to reach the manilla folders? Now THAT is working in the bathroom!)

    Sorry for hijacking your blog tonight. I guess I’m bored and your topics got me going!

  5. October 14, 2009 9:30 am

    Wow, that does not sound like the ideal position for your office, right next to the bathroom like that. I completely understand why the other men in the office used the bathroom when the CEO was gone, though. It’s a power thing. Poop where the boss poops.

    Ha ha…I hope they removed the shower from the bathroom before they put the printer in there!

    Thanks for commenting on the blog last night–I think one of the most gratifying things for a blogger (as you know–your blog looks great! Very well written) is to induce comments from others.

  6. Weston Locher permalink
    December 30, 2009 10:58 pm

    I feel your pain about people not using the restroom correctly.

    I recently had to put up a poster beside the toilet to remind the men of my department of the 10 rules of the restroom. So what if it was a little passive-aggressive:
    http://musingsonminutiae.com/2009/12/30/rules-of-the-restroom/

    • December 30, 2009 11:54 pm

      Thanks for finding this old favorite of mine. That’s a hilarious sign you put up in the bathroom! I like it.

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