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Skunky Spice

November 17, 2008

No, it’s not the name of a new Spice Girl. It’s the label I’m putting on the remaining fourth of a bottle of Old Spice aftershave in my bathroom. Here’s why.

Last week, I got out of the shower, put on Old Spice deodorant (Pure Sport…why this detail matters I do not know. I just like to feel sporty in the morning), and slapped some Old Spice (original) aftershave on my neck. I’ve been using this bottle of aftershave for a couple months now–it lasts a long time.
As I air-dried my way over to my closet, I noticed a foul smell in the air. It smelled…like skunk. I moved around, trying to evade the smell, but I couldn’t escape it. It was then that I realized the smell was part of me. It was the aftershave.
It was…Skunky Spice.
Yep, the Old Spice aftershave went bad. I didn’t know aftershave could do that. To add insult to injury, I didn’t get any other aftershave for the next few days, so I continued to wear Skunky Spice, albeit in small doses (it’s like I insulted myself and then injured myself–completely self-inflicted).
I did walk away from this tragedy on higher ground, as I obtained God’s gift to women, Acqua di Gio. Aftershave of the angels. Sweat of the unicorn. Mist of Shangri-La. I’m not really all that fond of the smell, but an informal survey of two women (standard deviation: + or – 2) confirmed that it’s the best smell ever. One of them said–and I quote–“If I smell Acqua di Gio on a man, it makes me want to cut off his skin and wear it as my own.” Odd, but true.
What do I do if the Acqua di Gio goes the route of the skunk? Let’s hope that never happens.
Oh, I also thought of another smell I like for women: funnel cake. So good!
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6 Comments leave one →
  1. Josh permalink
    November 18, 2008 7:27 am

    You kept wearing the skunky aftershave for DAYS?

  2. Jamey Stegmaier permalink
    November 18, 2008 9:44 am

    Yes, Josh. Days. What was I supposed to do? Walk around with little red splotches on my neck?

  3. NQL permalink
    November 18, 2008 9:46 am

    Wait, can someone please clarify for me what the point of aftershave is? Why don’t boys just use a little toner and, if you need it, some face lotion? What the heck is the aftershave for???

  4. Jamey Stegmaier permalink
    November 18, 2008 9:59 am

    a. Boys can’t wear toner. It’s illegal in 49 states.

    b. Face lotion is a decent substitute for aftershave, but it doesn’t have the same burning effect. No pain, no gain.

    c. After a man shaves, his neck is raw and red and splotchy. Aftershave soothes the skin. I know, it seems like other substances could do this, but there’s something about aftershave that does it better.

  5. Linus permalink
    November 18, 2008 1:55 pm

    Jamey my boy, you have nothing to worry. I also do use Acqua di Gio which incidentally my lady friend loves as well. Anyhow, I’ve had the same bottle for eons now and it still smells as fresh and manly the day I opened the bottle. Not a hint of Skunkiness. I hope this helps you to have more confident in your aftershave.

  6. Sarah permalink
    November 18, 2008 4:14 pm

    WHOA! You were right about this page being mostly “attempted” humor. Truthfully, I think it really depends on the situation if someone likes that scent. Just F.M.K, I didn’t know it could go bad. GOOD to know! It’s not like I’ll be wearing some any time soon, but GOOD TO KNOW. So I guess I could say that I’ve learned something new for today! Check.. Very INTERESTING…

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