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The Secret to Being an Attractive Runner

August 28, 2008

Every day, I spend about 6 minutes driving along the northern side of Forest Park, which, I believe, is the largest urban park in America. A jogging/bike path runs along the edge of the park, so I’m treated to the sight of dozens and dozens of people burning calories during the summer.

This people are of all shapes and sizes. They wear different clothes and run at different paces. And the women…oh, the women. Some distract me to the point that I almost drive off the road. Others…not so much.

However, no matter how attractive a woman is, she can look ugly while running (the same applies to guys, but I’m going to focus on the fairer sex here). And no matter how normal looking a woman may be, she can look pretty hot if she’s a smooth runner. Here are some tips for making sure you’re one of the women who make me wish I had a chauffeur:

  • Move your arms. This is the most important—and the most forgotten—rule of running attractively. You’d be surprised how many people lurch down the path like some sort of armless juggernaut. Sometimes I forget to move my arms too. It happens to the best of us. But be conscious of it and start swinging those limbs.
  • Don’t try to win the race. Let’s not kid ourselves here. You’re never going to catch that raisin-skinned old dude who passed you 20 minutes ago. Let it go. Calm down, relax, and enjoy your run.
  • Run forward. This is another one that may seem obvious, but runners often spend a lot of energy flailing limbs and lazily letting their knees swing from side to side. You’re trying to move forward, so focus on that goal with every joint in your body.
  • iPods don’t make you sexy. Everyone wants that distinctive white cord to be seen by the world. I get it. You spent $300 on a device that will be obsolete in 6 months. We’re all very impressed. But when you run, all electronic accessories should be wireless. Having those headphones flopping around like an umbilical cord is decidedly not hot.

In the end, I know all you ladies probably don’t like the idea that men are leering at you from their Camrys. I apologize on behalf of all males. But we’re going to look. It’s okay to look.

Stay sexy, St. Louis.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Susie permalink
    August 31, 2008 10:59 am

    ipods becoming obsolete?? ha! you sure don’t like apple, huh?

  2. aquavator permalink
    September 6, 2008 10:53 am

    Hate to burst your bubble, but as great as Forest Park is, it is nowhere near the largest city park in the US. Figures are spotty on this, but on the list below, Forest Park is #75.

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