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JoshVision: Question of the Day

August 12, 2008

QOD: At weddings, the groom slips his hands up the brideʼs dress and pulls out the garter. So in turn, why doesnʼt the bride extract the bouquet from the groomʼs pants?

A: While it’s not exactly a tit for tat (pardon the pun) arrangement to have the bride retrieving her bouquet from the trousers of her new husband, even if it were, I completely understand why it’s not common practice. Reaching under the dress for the garter is 100% typical dude. It’s manly and awesome. That singular action exemplifies the best principal of marriage–that you now own that bitch and can therefore do anything you want to her, even with her parents watching! Stick your head right up her dress! So what? Hell, her parents will probably even cheer you on. Grandma might even get into the act (of cheering, not de-gartering).

The bride on the other hand must hold onto at least some respect. She’s a lady after all, and can’t be reaching all nimbly bimbly into someone’s pants, even if he is her new husband. That type of behavior is reserved only for the strict privacy of a honeymoon suite with the lights off and the door locked. Those are the rules.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. Anonymous permalink
    August 13, 2008 7:15 am

    I received an article this morning from a friend about the tale of the tossing of the garter and its history to 14th century France. I had no idea why she sent it but responded with wit saying that it was interesting but irrelevant to the education work ahead of me in the office today but if I ran into any correlation I’d let her know. I was informed that its relevance would most likely be revealed to me sooner rather than later. Apparently I hadn’t read Jamey’s blog yet…

    I’ve since been asked by this friend if I was ok that JoshVision indirectly called me a bitch he’ll own day own. I actually started to giggle at this point in the conversation which my friend led to believe I was uncomfortable and not sure how to handle my emotions. I’m not sure she believes now that Josh has the utmost respect for me as in the mind of my great friend (left anonymous on purpose) Josh is on his hands and knees, under my wedding dress, feeling his way around areas no where near the garter before I perhaps mistakenly give up my prized virginity symbol (as this article claimed the true purpose of the garter was the public relinquishment of such) in order for him to remove of it by gritted teeth and smile.

    My only response, whose to say I won’t consider deflowering you, JoshVision, of the boquet?

    Kendall

  2. Josh permalink
    August 13, 2008 7:28 am

    What a racy KendallVision comment!

  3. aquavator permalink
    August 15, 2008 8:07 am

    Wait, why would the groom have a boquet in his pants? Maybe “boquet” is a new euphamism for the male genitalia?

    Also, why turn the lights off in the honeymoon suite?

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